K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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