Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
