Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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