If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize