i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
