Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
