batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
