so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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