I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
