I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize