I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
