Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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