ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
