ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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