Apparently you make a good broom.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
