I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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