It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
