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we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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