Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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