Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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