Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
