We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
