I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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