Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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