I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
