just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
foreskin is a definite game changer
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
