My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
