Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize