it wasn't lemon gatorade
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
This house was built for laser tag.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
