I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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