I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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