After last night, I could never be a politician.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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