my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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