Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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