How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We are two peas in an std pod
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
