I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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