Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
