My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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