Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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