How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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