I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Randomize
