he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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