I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
