just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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