Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
