why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
