I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
