What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
