I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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