I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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