I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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