he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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