Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
