"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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