Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I need moral support for this bender
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
