I must be too annoying 4 u.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize