you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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