At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
