Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
