dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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